Like a dragon sitting on top of her large hoard, she guards her treasures. Ready to breathe fire on anyone who comes near. Yes, I’m talking about my mother.
So there’s been another argument on the weekend between my mum and my sister. I wasn’t there for it, I was just told. My mother’s hoarding ways are now a hot topic of discussion publicly, as well as privately.
Apparently, my sister took a whole heap of cookbooks and things from the kitchen and threw it all in the bin.Mum was hurt and angry. She felt that her rights were violated and said that she needed those books (even though she hasn’t looked at them for years).I did tell her she could go online and look up juicing recipes but this did not console her and she retorted “The internet at work went down so you can’t rely on the internet to give you information”. Fair call, but its never gone down at her house…like ever!
You see for years, we just assumed mother liked ‘pre-loved’ things and looking through those council clean-ups. More than half the time you figure out the things people do put out for clean-up has some fault. Only the richies throw out usable items because they can afford to upgrade.
We didn’t really notice anything at first because it was gradual clutter. She moved in with my stepdad and they both accumulated double the stuff. Possessions seem to make her happy, surrounded and fulfilled. She even has a feng-shui corner that completely defeats the purpose of allowing chi to flow freely in the room. It is now plain and clear that this woman has to de-clutter.
Yes, some of us are sentimental. But it is holding onto the past that stops us from moving forward.
I remember collecting my favourite chocolate bar wrappers and business cards at 18 years old and why? It was an attachment of experience perhaps? Of the good times I’ve had with others? Making these little trinkets souvenirs. I didn’t realise till now I was ‘keeping the moment’ as if I was trying to freeze it in time.
My sister cleaned out her my mother’s pantry cupboard whilst my mum watched. To me, this was not rehabilitating as mum was the one who needed to mentally and physically ‘let go of the stuff’. The oldest thing in mum’s pantry was a pasta sauce dated back to 1998. This year was a significant year as my sister was lost to phenneumoccol at 12years old. There’s a high possibility that my sister’s death had triggered this hoarding mindset and the desire and need to control what’s around her. Her excuses are “I’m saving this in case we just might need it” or “I’m sending it to Fiji”. There are clothes in her house that have been waiting to board a plane to Fiji for 2 years. Meanwhile, the clothes who they were originally intended for, have now outgrown the clothes.
Hoarding can be a result of many different things…depression and avoidance. The point is the only way to get to it, is through it. They need to face and address these life issues.
So what effect has this had on me? I’m a minimalist. I throw things out seasonal and spend more money because I am replacing the things I have thrown out. On a good note, I do re-gift unused items, if the item is not being used I throw it out and have more space. On top of that I have made a rule that if I buy something, two things go out. The more you have the more storage you have to buy to accommodate it all and that means less space for you.
We have to stop making associations to money, wealth status with things. Our possessions should not define who we are. This is another myth in our society that tells us to work hard for things and the more things we have the happier we are. It should be the people in our lives and the deeds we do that make us rich in heart.